Musical Therapy

Who's that boy?

I've been watching Everything Sucks on Netflix and in addition to making me super nostalgic for the 90s, it made me realize that music was my outlet when I was an awkward tween.

In the '95-96 school year I had to switch to a different school than my friends. I was already a weird kid, but I had been a weird kid with other weird kids who knew me since kindergarden. When I started my new school in Grade 6, I immediately didn't fit in. I was picked on. They made fun of my weird hand-me-down clothes, told me I had B.O. and I should shower. My mom tried to help me by spending money she didn't have on designer jeans and "cool" baby tees with logos on them to help me look the part. I stopped wearing dresses, I grew out my bangs  and adopted this pseudo-grudge style. I still didn't have many friends.

I discovered Much Music.

I didn't have many friends, but I basically had a 24/7 music video channel that would become a worthy substitute.

I spent hours on the weekends and after school consuming music - and my genre of choice was what we called Alternative. Alternative wasn't our parent's rock and roll. It wasn't pop music. It had emotion, grit, and said all the things I couldn't say about my awkward life as a loser who just wanted to belong.

Oasis was an early favourite - namely "Wonderwall."

Watching Kate on Everything Sucks listen to it on her discman while reading the liner notes in the CD booklet really brought me back. I used to read every booklet, pour over lyrics, and listen from track 1 all the way through. Seriously, when was the late time you listened to an album start to finish?

Probably from Grade 6 to high school music was my "self-care."

Siamese Dreams or Nightmares?
I'd lose myself in an album. That's a feeling I haven't experienced in a while, and probably won't experience again. It's not just that we consume music in different ways now - like Much Music barely plays music videos anymore - it's that when you get older you stop actively discovering new music. It's not something you consciously do either - it just happens one day. You just find yourself reaching for your old favourites more and more.

There's nothing wrong with this - it's just part of getting older.

I still love music, but I long for the feeling I had when I was 13 and it was the only thing that made me feel good in this world. And back then my problems were getting bullied, puberty, and trying to cover my acne with Avon concealer sticks.

Today, I have more complex "adult" problems, but I'm sadly still concealing acne and puberty continues to be a curse. Maybe I need to just put on my headphones and listen to What's the Story, Morning Glory? to soothe my angsty 30-something soul.




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