Self-Care for Cynics

I remember telling people that my ex ended our relationship by ghosting me - a term that didn't exist at the time, but pretty much sums up what happened. When I told people, I always said, "yeah, it was awful, he just literally stop speaking to me - he just disappeared from my life." And instead of receiving the sympathy I expected, people reacted very differently. Many just shrugged - "yeah, that happens all the time." Does it though? Okay, maybe it does - but should we be so nonchalant about that? I for one believe we should be chalant (I know that's not a word, but I'm making it a thing, okay!) Why do men behaving badly get off the hook so easily? We should be outraged, yet we're complacent. Is it that women are supposed to be submissive, demure and non-combative when it comes to our broken hearts? We're supposed to just accept that "boys will be boys," and move on? 'Cause if we do react with the slightest bit of venom, we...

Two day's ago I turned 34. It was low key, which I'm learning is the best way to have a birthday. This isn't to say I did nothing. But I also didn't have high expectations. I did, however, feel the love from family, friends and co-workers. Speaking of co-workers...this was my desk when I came into work on Thursday morning: That was pretty cool. No one's every decorated my desk on my birthday before, so that was fun. It really improves your mood to work surrounded by balloons. The problem I have had surrounding my birthday, and still face today, is a serious case of expectations vs. reality. Due to my anxiety and my inability to cope with change, I often get too psyched about my birthday plans, then consequently disappointed when it doesn't live up to the hype. Past examples have been friends bailing last minute, boyfriends who forget and/or don't buy you a gift, weather not co-operating (as I type this, it's ice storming outside and I ...

Who's that boy? I've been watching Everything Sucks on Netflix and in addition to making me super nostalgic for the 90s, it made me realize that music was my outlet when I was an awkward tween. In the '95-96 school year I had to switch to a different school than my friends. I was already a weird kid, but I had been a weird kid with other weird kids who knew me since kindergarden. When I started my new school in Grade 6, I immediately didn't fit in. I was picked on. They made fun of my weird hand-me-down clothes, told me I had B.O. and I should shower. My mom tried to help me by spending money she didn't have on designer jeans and "cool" baby tees with logos on them to help me look the part. I stopped wearing dresses, I grew out my bangs  and adopted this pseudo-grudge style. I still didn't have many friends. I discovered Much Music. I didn't have many friends, but I basically had a 24/7 music video channel that would become a worthy su...

February flew by - so fast in fact that I forgot to stop and reflect. One thing that happened was I got a bad cold or flu. When you're alone and sick you start realizing there is a big difference between self-care (the nice things you do for yourself to stay sane and happy) and taking care of yourself (basic adult survival). Because when you're single and live alone, no one makes you dinner or puts a blanket on you when you pass out watching Olympic figure skating. Taking care of yourself when your sick is the opposite of self-care. It sucks. I pride myself on my ability to be alone and not care. I'm a feminist, I read, I consider myself "woke" as the kids say. But when I was shivering and coughing up a lung I was like damn, why can't someone make me a hot cup of tea. I made my own tea, and it was fine. I survived and managed to make it through. But it is nice when someone takes care of you, you know? I still had my traditional heart-shaped pizza on Va...

I found a list on Pinterest called "7 Day Hygge Challenge." Hygge is a Danish word that basically means self-care. In Denmark, they really know their shit. Basically the list had prescribed things you should do each day for a full calendar week starting with Monday. I decided to try it, but not tell anyone incase I failed. Hygge isn't something you need other people's approval for, right? On day one, when it suggested I "unplug," I realized I was going to fail before I even began. So, in true Allison fashion, I decided to not follow the list to the letter, but instead incorporate a few of the suggestions here and there and see if it brought me any joy. I won't list off everything, but here are the items that I did succeed at: 1) Treat yourself to a new candle! I was in Chapters and saw this "Good Vibes Only" candle and knew this was a sign. Never mind that I already have a dozen unfinished candles around my apartment, this one had a m...

Ever hear a song that makes you feel it all? While I was taking down my Christmas tree down yesterday itt felt very quiet in my apartment - too quiet. I decided I needed music. I put Spotify on and played my 2017 most played list. The first song that played was from Florence + Machine's latest album. It was a particularly emotional song - as many of her songs are - and I felt a bit overcome. This is common for me, especially during the post-holiday lull. Instead of skipping the track, I just let it sink in. Sometimes you have to get let yourself feel things before you can move on. I put it on a different playlist after that. Dealing with mild depression and anxiety isn't about trying to put a lid on your feelings - but understand where they're coming from. A minor breakdown over a song isn't a setback, but rather a reminder that I'm human. So, how did my first week of 2018 go? It went forward and backwards. That is to be expected. I did, however, manage ...