Toxic Masculinity & Mental Health

I remember telling people that my ex ended our relationship by ghosting me - a term that didn't exist at the time, but pretty much sums up what happened. When I told people, I always said, "yeah, it was awful, he just literally stop speaking to me - he just disappeared from my life." And instead of receiving the sympathy I expected, people reacted very differently. Many just shrugged - "yeah, that happens all the time."

Does it though?

Okay, maybe it does - but should we be so nonchalant about that? I for one believe we should be chalant (I know that's not a word, but I'm making it a thing, okay!) Why do men behaving badly get off the hook so easily? We should be outraged, yet we're complacent.

Is it that women are supposed to be submissive, demure and non-combative when it comes to our broken hearts? We're supposed to just accept that "boys will be boys," and move on? 'Cause if we do react with the slightest bit of venom, we're branded so-and-sos crazy ex-girlfriend.

So, women are speaking out - we're saying #metoo and #timesup. We're not accepting labels that brand us as sluts, prudes, or crazy ex-girlfriends anymore.

While many men are supportive and agree that it's time we started giving women credit for their accomplishments, and own up to past failures, there are some who feel the feminist movement has done more harm than good. Some have said, "well what role do men play now?" Um, they play the role of a human being - duh.

This isn't a new thing. Toxic masculinity didn't happen overnight. For some, the idea that a women is an object to own is still the ideal. So, when we learn about underground online movements, such as Incel, it's shocking, yet unsurprising.

Incel is a group, predominately male (and I assume, white), who feel like they've been sexually rejected by women so often that they've become bitter to the point of blaming the women who ignore them, and the men who get women. By rejecting them sexually, these women, who they refer to as "Stacys," are to blame. There is no self-reflection nor is there any ownership of fault on the side of the rejected male. They call themselves "Incels" because they feel women have forced them to be involuntarily celibate. Some, including the man who drove a van into crowds of pedestrians in Toronto last week, have committed murder to get their revenge.

I know what people are saying and thinking. "These men are mentally ill."

I began this blog by telling you all that my ex-boyfriend "ghosted" me. And according to people I know (and the internet) this is common. So, why aren't women committing mass murder over this? If a man can run over 26 people, killing 10 of them (8 women, 2 men) because he wasn't getting laid and "Stacys" are to blame, why aren't women who are slighted by every Chris, Dan, and Mike, renting vans and bulldozering people? Because toxic masculinity is about entitlement.

Women as a whole don't think we are better than men. Period. We have been fighting for a seat at the table. We want equality and safety. And while most men are fine with welcoming new voices and opinions, there are a small few who wish to keep us in a subservient role. Whether you're an "Incel" blaming women for your failure to attract a partner, or someone who won't accept a female in a position of power. If these people would stop seeing feminism as the opposition, but rather as the belief system that can save us all, maybe we'd stop having these angry young men committing atrocities.

Saying this is a solely a mental health issue lets them off the hook too easily. It ignores centuries of conditioning that men are superior that has poisoned some more than others. In the end, the antidote is education, understanding, empathy, and self-evaluation.